73. Navigating the Waves of Creation - The Meadow is The Portal Launch Countdown begins!

Today in The Meadow, we’re talking all about the cycles of creativity, moving through resistance, and stepping fully into your next level.

✦ Navigating the waves of energy—balancing high productivity with rest so you don’t burn out before the finish line.

✦ How fear, doubt, and resistance always show up right before a big breakthrough—and how to lovingly move through them.

✦ Reframing what it means to “show up”—some days, it’s doing the work; other days, it’s calling a friend, taking a walk, or simply making space for yourself.

✦ Your subconscious mind is running the show—understanding how to shift your identity and patterns so your reality can expand with you.

✦ Seeking discomfort as a sign of growth—learning to embrace imposter syndrome and fear as proof that you’re on the right path.

✦ The art of reprogramming—every small action is a vote for the person you’re becoming, and over time, those votes shift your entire reality.

✦ Unlock Your Dream Reality is still open for early bird pricing—if you’re ready to rewire your subconscious and step into your next chapter, now’s the time!

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Thanks for stopping by the meadow. Thank you, I love you. I'll see ya on the next one! <3

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Get on the waitlist for the next round of Unlock Your Dream...

Transcript

0:58

Hello everybody and welcome back to In the Meadow with Kiki. I am so happy to be here and I'm so happy you're here and welcome back to the meadow. Oh my gosh, it feels so good to be sitting here and recording. I feel like it's been crazy over here in the meadow as I've been getting ready to launch my brand, The Meadow is a Portal, in 10 days. It is happening in 10 days and it is just like the biggest deal ever for me. It symbolizes just so much. and the realness of this brand, the first few products that I'm creating, that I have created, well, they're still almost being finished right now. But yeah, it feels like so much bigger than just like a little launch party. It's really just the symbolism of the start of this official like doing the damn thing, going all the way in. And yeah, just jumping off this cliff and trusting that the net will catch me. I mean, there's just been such deep inner work been coming up to the surface as I've been on this journey and this path and this party is like the culmination of all of it feels like I've been having such a fun time but this week I've really caught myself yeah definitely going a little bit too hard I think that I definitely operate in waves of like intense productivity and it just so happens to usually align with It's funny, every month surprises me, but I'm like, yeah, this is what it is. Women's cycles are just, you know, are energy ebbs and flows. And I think that it feels like every month I have like these spurts of just like such intense motivation and energy and inspiration and output, productivity. Like I push myself a little bit too hard where I get too excited and I just can't, I can't chill the fuck out. I'm just going so hard. The problem is that it feels so good and I'm, I love it. I feel like I'm on fire. But then I think a pattern that I am catching right now and I'm really trying to get in check is the pattern of being in this high output and then pushing myself too hard that when I come down from it. I it takes a little bit too long to recover and so that's kind of what happened to me last week I got a little bit sick. I think it was my body telling me girl The fuck out you have such big things ahead of you. You cannot deplete your energy all the way right now. So relax and um, yeah, so The last couple days, I have been trying to take it easier, resting a little bit more, putting my laptop away at the end of the night to spend time with my partner, really make time for my morning rituals and my meditation and my tea, you know, sipping my matcha in the rain slowly. I think this morning I was really feeling that heavier just like... Yeah, I don't even want to consider it burnout energy, but rather like feeling my energy being a little bit more depleted and The heavier negative energy kind of coming up to the surface. Um, that is so familiar Like I know this feeling so well That i'm really grateful to be able to catch it for what it is right now as it begins rather than letting it take me under. Cause as we all know, when we are on the pursuit of our dreams and when we really do take that leap off the cliff, out of our comfort zone, into the unfamiliar, our subconscious mind will ring the alarm like never before. And for me, I can kind of like ride the high of excitement. where I'm like really pushing past it and it's not hitting me but then suddenly I think that as we all know we hit this upper limit and it gets very real and I think that for me it's really easy for the voices to get louder and louder and louder of like who the fuck am I to do this like what if the vision that you have isn't going to turn out the way that you wanted it to you know what if it doesn't work out the way that you want it to what if what if things you know what if it What if you can't do this? What if you're not capable of this? And I think it's very therapeutic for me and for my audience, for my listeners, for you guys here in the meadow to hear it in real time. You know, I think that for me, the biggest gift that my favorite creators and artists and entrepreneurs have ever given me has been Being real and honest and authentic and vulnerable with their story and the reality of chasing your dreams and the reality of pushing yourself past your familiar and your comfort zone. And I think that I always fall into these patterns and habits of just like wanting to only highlight the good and like what's going right. And, um, I think that the space is just always a beautiful space to just chat and talk through what we're all going through and what we're all feeling. And I'm just so excited to share the tools that I have and the ways that I'm catch these patterns in the self-sabotage and the fear in its tracks and lovingly and consciously lovingly moving myself up back towards a spiral of the path of our dreams of my dreams of your dreams and yeah so like today for example like I started my period two days ago you know I Naturally, my energy levels have just like kind of come a lot down on top of you know, pushing myself so hard the last couple weeks It's like it's natural obviously for my energy levels to low to get lower, but when you're living in it, I think that we can get so mean to ourselves. We can get so mean and just like judge ourselves and think that this is wrong and that we're not doing it right, that we're not capable. And so obviously in the morning, I yeah, I woke up feeling a lot of heavy energy and anxiety and fear and heaviness and my, you know. What I wanted to do was just curl back into bed, close my eyes, put my covers over my head, stay cozy, and just sit in it. It's like, we think that, oh, like, this is treating myself like I'm just being cozy. And yeah, sometimes that is, you know, you or your own person, if this is something that like helps you when you're not feeling great, like go for it. But for me, that is a telltale sign that I'm. stepping into leaning into a bit of self-sabotage, you know where I have a hard time with handling all the heavy emotions and so my coping mechanism is just kind of put my head under the covers figuratively and physically literally and Just let these emotions fester and like the longer I lay in bed the more anxiety I have and the more tense energy gets built because a big lesson that I've learned is that you know, fear and anxiety when it comes to our projects is usually built upon sitting on things that we know we got to do and then we don't do them, right? Like that's the lesson that I've learned is that the more like tense, like anxious energy is because like there's things that I got to do and I'm not doing them. And I'm leaning into the resistance and not allowing myself to just move forward. And every time that I step up and I actually take action, that tenseness and anxiety melts away. And now As always, as I always mention, it's always a nuanced thing because in this moment, I am allowing myself to know that I can move a little slower and still get what I need to get done. I can move through the day feeling a little lower and still get things done. And for me, productivity... doesn't always mean checking things off my to-do list, but today that meant calling my good friend and being like, hey, do you want to go on a walk with me? And doing a long leisurely walk in the fog, fogginess, you know, bundling up in our cozy little sweaters and taking a long walk with fresh air, moving our bodies and talking out all the things that are in our minds, you know? reaching out to our support system, reaching out to our friends and family, the people who have our back, you know, productive to me meant taking a break in the day and drinking my matcha in the rain, making it nice and foamy and creamy and sweet. And just sitting next to my window, breathing deeply, watching the rainfall in Los Angeles as there's like a storm coming through right now and knowing that like this is productive and this is safe, that I'm not rushing right back into the work that I gotta do. And because of that, because I chose to start the day slower and to call a friend, to go on a long walk and to sit my tea slowly, to regulate my nervous system, to really look at this pattern and the reality of these negative thoughts and see them for what they are and realize that all it is my subconscious mind trying to keep me where I am and to not take this leap to this next level. You know, the symbolism of this launch is exactly that. that I am right now where I'm able to kind of get through this quicker because in the past it would be weeks of this lower energy before I'll be able to get to that clarity to move myself back up and To be completely honest, I really do have to owe my course unlock your dream reality so much of this because the basis of this entire course is a container of education and inspiration to lovingly walk yourself up through the spiral of your dreams into your next level and into your next reality because this is what happens, you know, like we can make a certain amount of progress and then when we get a little bit too close, that's when our mind starts to freak out and try to keep us to where we are and I think that it's so difficult because if you think about it, you are with your mind 24-7. all the fucking time you've been with your head since you were born you've been chatting with yourself in your mind literally since the beginning of your life so no wonder we trust our head too fucking much we trust these ideas and these thoughts a little bit too much you know when we have these negative thoughts we believe it because we've been talking to ourselves for so long that it's like oh well yeah like i'm not lying to myself like this is this has to be real And I think that talking to your friends, you know, and reaching out to your community can really help with, yeah, with like checking you and getting you back into shape and realizing and recognizing what the truth is. And knowing that our minds are always going to have a negative bias. where it's safer to believe the negative thoughts. It doesn't feel as safe to believe the positive thoughts. You know, it feels so fucking unsafe to believe and to have faith and to visualize a better and bigger reality for yourself, to trust and believe that it gets better and better and better. the moment that you trust that and move forward with that energy in your life. For some reason, it's like that feels so unsafe to us because our primal brains are conditioned over thousands of years of evolution to look out for the dangers of life to protect ourselves. But we're past that. We're not, you know, you don't need to be scared of the lion in the bush anymore. Right now, the lion in the bush is just social media in comparison and fear. And I think that having these conversations and talking about it with the people in your life can be so helpful. And just remembering that when these thoughts come up, they are not the end all, be all truth of your reality. You know, there's lessons that can be learned. You know, you can you can see yourself not showing up the way that you want to show up and learn the lesson in that and then move forward and grow. and get better and better and grow more and more and actualize yourself through your reality. And so every time that you come through about this cycle again, the lessons that you learn might be different, but it's growing you into the kind of person that you need to become to actualize the dreams that you have in your heart. And that this is just part of the process. Being just uncomfortable is safe. Being uncomfortable is what's going to get you to the life that you want to live. And the faster that you become okay with that, the faster that you start reaching for that. You know, for me, I'm at a place in my life right now where I'm seeking the discomfort. And even though, even though I wanna run away from it half the time and I wanna just like, ah, get me out of here. I wanna go back to my coziness. It's like, no matter how many times I go through that same cycle, it's like, I know that when I am uncomfortable, I am on the right path. When I'm feeling imposter syndrome, I am on the right path. And this is a daily devotional practice that you have to walk yourself through as you walk towards the dreams that you have in your heart. You know, it's like, like I say, in unlock your dream reality, it's like. It is a constant. I was going to say battle, but it isn't a battle. It does not have to be a battle if we don't make it, you know, it gets to be a game. When we are able to detach ourselves from our own personal reality and get a little bit more like clarity when you zoom out and kind of see yourself from another loving awareness, like imagining you are your friend or your mom or anyone in your life who, who only thinks of you with love and appreciation, you're able to kind of like witness what you're actually going through in a more clear way. then when you're in the thick of it, like, our eyes, our perception is so clouded that we can't always see it very clearly. But when we're able to know that it's okay to be uncomfortable, it's okay to feel imposter syndrome, I'm going to show up anyways. It's okay that I might feel kind of shitty today. I might feel insecure today. I might feel scared. I might feel fear and it's still safe to show up. Now showing up is going to look different every single day. But in my opinion, showing up period means that you are showing up at 100% at any way that you can, at whatever capacity that you have, whatever capacity you have to show up, if you show up in that capacity, you are showing the fuck up. And that's all you have to search for. Every single day, some days, showing up is going to be calling a friend for your walk and drinking your tea slowly on your porch. some days showing the fuck up out of your hundred percent is going to be being incredibly productive and knocking off a million things off her to-do list and you know being confident and showing up online and speaking your heart and doing the things that you know you got to do but in my opinion both of those versions are showing up at 100 if that's where you're at and that's what you need for yourself and so I think that the moral of the story always comes back to that loving, loving conscious awareness to recognize when you're falling back and when you're... feeling lower and when you need more love and when you need more slowness and when you feel more energized, when you can handle some higher workloads. And know as always that we are cyclical beings, we are in nature, we work in seasons. It doesn't always have to be the three month season out of the year. It gets to be the week season, the day season, the hourly season of the energy that you're in and what you're capable of. And at the end of the day, it's choosing yourself, knowing what is good for you, you need to support yourself, knowing how to love yourself, knowing that you need to nourish yourself with the food that you eat, with the music that you listen to, with the podcast that you listen to, the books that you read, knowing that for me it's like, Kiki, like I know that taking care of myself means reading a book before I go to bed. I know that is how I can love myself. But A lot of nights I go to bed looking at my phone and I know that that's not good for me. I know that is not something that is for my highest good that's going to take care of myself. And so it's being able to still love yourself regardless if you're on your phone, if you're not showing up for your work, if you're not going to the gym. That does not matter. You still love yourself enough to recognize that. You deserve better. You deserve you deserve to feel good. You've deserved to nourish yourself to feel vital to take care of your body and your mind and your soul. To reach out to your friends. You deserve to pour yourself into your art. You deserve to step into this next level of your life and of your reality. You deserve this. And so remember that we operate on habits and on patterns that control our life, that are ruled by the subconscious mind. It's so much farther than just our conscious choices. Our subconscious mind is leading the show. It is running 95% of your reality. And so if your subconscious mind identifies with that kind of person who doesn't go to the gym, doesn't work out, doesn't eat healthy, isn't showing up on the daily consistent devotion for your work, then that's gonna be that's gonna be what you do. That's gonna be the automatic way that you move through the world. And so the journey of Reparagam and Arrogant Conscious Mind is to use the conscious awareness, is to use that 5% to recognize what's happening by being aware, by having moments of reflection and awareness, you know. Life moves so fast and we have to slow down enough to recognize, oh, okay, like I've been eating like shit for the last three weeks. I've been running on empty. I've been pushing myself so hard and I haven't been taking a moment to really fill my cup. How can I act differently? And when we're able to use that 5% of our subconscious mind, we can then move forward, start making decisions to have that realization and redirect. our decisions, the loving awareness and redirection as I teach in my course again and again and again, loving awareness to recognize it and redirect, redirect your choices to be in alignment with the life that you want to live. And now it feels so hard sometimes because our subconscious mind is still operating on the past identity and habits that we've been so used to. And so it feels like we're just carrying this boulder up the mountain and it's difficult because we are fighting against our subconscious programming. We're fighting against the operating system of our mind. But every time that you show up, you're casting a vote for the person that you want to be. And every single time that you do it, you cast one vote and another and another. And eventually, suddenly things begin to shift and change. You break through and you start acting like that more naturally until inevitably and eventually that is just who you are. and you're moving through life from that new set point. And then you're gonna get to the next level of your life where you need a whole new round of these subconscious reprograms and identity shifts to step into that next level. It's like, I'll take an example, like my own journey. Three years ago, I had no self-expression. I did not. I did not have any way to express the thoughts that I had in my mind, the art that I wanted to create. I was frozen and stuck and had no idea how to use my voice to share these messages with the world. Right. I was scared shitless of showing up. Period. I was so scared of being observed or being seen in any way. And the idea of me having my own podcast was a joke. Like, I would literally laugh at it. I remember someone, you know, the people in my life knew how much I love to talk and to have conversations that they would bring it up like, hey, like, have you ever thought about? You know having a podcast and I would laugh in their face because I was like, oh my god Are you kidding me? Like I could never and through doing some deep inner work Of trying to figure out what the fuck my path was of what I wanted to do with my life because I was so lost. I was a couple years ago. I had no clue. I knew I wanted to create art I knew I wanted to share my passions and this the magic of this work to the world But I had no idea what that was going to be and so I had the intention to figure out what that was and through that intention, through the path and the journey of really trying to figure out what that was, this idea of having my podcast came to me, but in order to get to the point where I was able to start showing up in this. It took so much of that reprogramming and redirection and showing up onto this podcast when I was shaking and I wanted to puke and doing it anyways and then doing it again and again and again and again until this is just what I do. I love showing up on the podcast. I love talking to you guys. I love I love this more than anything. This is just in my blood now. Like I can't help it. Obviously, I've had to take some, you know, space last couple months. as I've been just rebuilding my brand and you know pouring myself into this other branch the mother brand that this podcast is gonna be living in I've had to take you know some time away just because I've been you know a lot more busy doing so much other things but at the end of the day when I sit down with you guys and I chat like this is this is who I am now and Now this next level that I'm stepping into is stepping into the owner of this next mother brand of the Meadow is a Portal. And this requires so many different sides of me to step up into that. And so now I'm going through that same shit over again, using the same tools that I teach in my course and unlock your dream reality, using the same exact tools that brought me to where I am today to get me into this next level. And so, yeah, I just think it's so healing for me to sit here and talk to you guys about it and the realness. Cause I know that if I'm going through this, then I know other people are as well. And that's also been what helps me, you know, show up more on socials and like sharing my voice when I'm not feeling the best is because I think about like, what would I need to hear right now? Okay. Like for example, like. I ask myself like I go on Pinterest and I look at quotes that really make me feel better I know that that's what I need to hear right now So that's what i'm going to share with my audience because if i'm going through something if I needed to hear this There's probably other people that also needed to hear it as well and Just trusting and knowing that it's safe to have bad days I'm okay To have lower energy days and to still show up to my devotions and to the pursuit of what I want to create for myself in that Everything happens in cycles and in seasons and nothing lasts forever and that's why we have to hold on to the good Cherish the good be present for the good and to know when it's not that it doesn't last forever You know, and so I know this all sounds a little dramatic for just having a couple days of lower energy But I think that um This is it like this is the work. It's in these days It's in these moments where our self-doubt comes up and our fear comes up and it gets louder and louder and louder of what we want to do in that moment. You know, as I teach in my course again, it's the feedback loop of life, where our reality is created by these three feedback loops of the thoughts that we have, the feelings that they create, and the actions that we take. And at every single present moment, we have a choice in how we want to influence that feedback loop. Sometimes, just by thinking better thoughts, we can affect that feedback loop. Sometimes it's not enough. Sometimes we had to take ourselves out of our house and take an action. That's going to help that for me today. The action was going on that long walk with a friend dancing, you know, when you don't want to dance, I always give us advice, but I promise you putting your headphones on a song that lights you up, that energizes you in shaking your body is a somatic way to shake off that heavy energy and It's so hard to do it when you're feeling shit. It's like the last thing that you wanna do when you're feeling depressed and you just wanna lay in bed and like not do anything. Like the last thing that you wanna do is get up and dance. But I promise you, trust me, fucking do it. You know? And so these things will operate how we feel and then how we feel will operate, will affect how we act. And it's just, it's so wild to see it happening in real time. But the problem is that we operate on such a subconscious pattern where we're not noticing these things that are happening. We just accept the bad days as bad days and we don't do anything about it. And sometimes the problem is that takes over and it pulls you under and then one bad day turns into two bad days into four bad days into a week or two weeks and suddenly you're like Oh fuck I need to get out of this and then it's a lot harder but when we're able to notice it in the moment and acknowledge it and accept it and love yourself through it I promise you That is how you move forward and you grow and you see progress and you step into the person that you want to become and then your reality shifts and changes in front of your eyes. And so, yeah, anyways, I love you guys so much. I think that the state of the world right now is heavy. Our conscious collector, collective consciousness right now is going through. So much I feel like I know it sounds silly to say but I really do feel like the world is almost going through like a dark night of the soul of The systems that have been in place for the last couple hundreds of years the patriarchy the male dominated systems that have been built and created are beginning to crumble And we have to deal with that, you know with that crumbling it's it can be so heartbreaking and it can be so heavy and especially living in the US with the shit that's going on that is not normal is We're not built to handle these things, you know And so I wanted to share one thing that I read And yeah, obviously this podcast is never meant to be political but this is so far past politics This is about Yeah, so much more than that. And I know that people are here are going to resonate with this. And I think that this quote really helped me. But, um, number one, talking about the, these quote unquote systems, okay. They never truly expect a long-term resistant movement because they think people are a collection of trauma triggers who are easily controlled through terror. If they can't terrorize you 24 seven in your mind, they already have lost the war. The single best thing that you can do to resist fascism is to not let them terrorize you constantly. Protect your mental health to ensure that you are not constantly in a terrorized state. Keep connecting to who you are at your core, your values, preferences, ethics, and beliefs. Build up your capacity to resist. Remember they are like abusive parents. They only see us as extensions of them. They have no clue how powerful joy and community and self-expression can be. We can use this to our advantage. We can be strong-willed. We can be the strong-willed child they never saw coming. Spending time connecting to your true self is not selfish in these times. It is intricately connected to a resistance movement that is tied to honoring our bodies, our communities, and to the land. We have to build capacity to resist by being exactly who we are. Anyways, I think that I just had to add that in to that because, um, yeah, the shit that we're going through right now as a country, as a world, like, this is not normal. And remember that no matter how much shit you see on your phones or on the news, there is so much more love available and present that we can access and be aware of and witness. And Focusing on yourself and your mental health and on nourishing your heart and your soul and your mind Connecting to you the people that you love the art that you love the creativity Your art your expression and your creativity is your resistance. Your love is your resistance You are Everything and you are so much more powerful than you think that you are At this time in life it is more important than ever to share your light and to share your love and to share your creativity. Never let the dark and evil thoughts like who the fuck am I to do this? My voice doesn't matter, you know, my art doesn't matter, who cares about what I want to do? Don't let those thoughts win. Recognize when they come. Be that loving and conscious awareness to recognize it, to see it in its tracks, to see the criticism and the meanness that you can be to yourself for if you haven't shown up the way that you want to. See it and recognize it and remember that you have everything that you need to build a life of love and pleasure and vibrance and creative expression and just... Everything that you've ever wanted you have everything that you need to make that happen for yourself You fucking got this the path to the get there is gonna be a spiral of lows and highs and everything in between But the life that you want to live that you have in your heart that you know is there you can achieve it You can get there. You fucking got this and I love you and I'm always here for you genuinely. I have a small but mighty community so I have the capacity to reach out and talk to all of you guys. Like whoever wants to reach out and have conversations, like I don't just say this, like nothing makes me happier than to truly build community and to truly feel like we're doing this together. And I'm out here spilling my heart and sharing my journey and I want you to do the same. So as always, reach out on Instagram, Kiki's Meadow. It's always the best place to reach me. up and keep up with this journey. The Meadow is a Portal is launching so soon and so yeah, go follow that account as well if you want to be, if you want to witness the launch and to see everything that I have planned for that. Um, unlock your dream reality is still, um, I decided to just leave it on early bird pricing a little longer. I feel like, uh, yeah, I just want people to have access to it. And, um, it's my course. I can do whatever the fuck I want. So if you're interested in enrolling, um, in my pre-recorded course is instant access, whenever you purchase, um, you can look at the, yeah, the link in my bio in the caption below, you can find it there. Um, again, if you have any questions about that, I'm an open book. out to see if it's a good fit for you, if that might be something that you're looking for at this time in your life. And yeah, and always I have my free offerings as well, like my magnetic morning ritual, that one I think is a really, I really recommend that one right now with what we're talking about. You can also get that in my, in the description below. I love you guys. You're the best and I'm so excited to be walking down this path together, to be growing together and um... Yeah, I love you. Have a beautiful rest of your day. Mwah. Bye.