78. Falling in love with the moments in between

Today we’re talking all about presence, transition, and savoring the divine messiness of becoming.

✦ I share the tender experience of returning to my olive orchard and saying goodbye to my handcrafted studio—the place where my dreams were born.

✦ We talk about how life will never feel like “enough” if we don’t learn to see the magic in what’s already here. Gratitude isn’t about settling—it’s the only true launchpad for expansion.

✦ We reflect on why discomfort often means you’re safe enough to heal. When you’re finally grounded, your old patterns surface—not as punishment, but as an invitation.

✦ I remind you that this present moment is not a placeholder. We are already living the dream we once prayed for.

✦ We explore the power of ordinary pleasures—morning tea, herbal rituals, walks through the neighborhood—as portals into creativity, joy, and inner truth.

✦ And I share journaling prompts to help you reconnect with your own definitions of home, nourishment, and truth.

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JOURNALING PROMPTS 

• -Who or what feels like "home" to me right now? and how can I honor that more fully? (This could be a person, a place, a project, or a version - of yourself)
•  What parts of me are asking to be nurtured right now?
•  What emotional truths have I been hiding, and how can I accept them with compassion vs shame?
•  What dream have I been quietly holding in my heart, waiting for the right moment to plant?

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Transcript

1:00

Hello everybody and welcome back to In the Middle of Kiki. I am so happy to be here and I'm so happy you're here and welcome back to another episode. We are a week past the summer equinox that just happened last week. So how are we feeling? Definitely feeling a surge of energy and also a lot of... just tragedy that has been happening in Los Angeles over the last few weeks. If you've been watching the news at all, you obviously know that LA has been going through just such tragedy with all of the bullshit that is going on. And it's just... devastating. It is just absolutely so heartbreaking and it's been weird figuring out how to come on here during the midst of all that and so obviously it took a minute of a break, a pause for the last two weeks. Yeah, it's so heartbreaking and it's not over. It's still happening. I think in general, being a human being in LA, in this country, in this world right now, in the day and age of social media and witnessing the horrors at such an intimate level is... so impossible to deal with in the quote unquote right way. I think that there's a balance between being informed and giving a shit, caring about our fellow human beings on this earth, and fighting for them energetically through protest, through education, through donation. Like there's a million and one ways that we can help our communities and our people and there's not one way that's right. I know some of the people who are the most passionate and the most helpful in these times. So you don't post on social media, know, there's not just posting being like the solution to helping our fellow humans. being there for your community, for your friends, for your family, that's... that is helping. like there's so many ways that we can help out in this moment but i don't think that the solution is to not spread our love and to spread our light and to create our art and to still enjoy our life. and most importantly, to make a difference in this world, to be a part of the revolution of love and change that we so desperately need and that is happening currently. see it as these systems and so much of life as we know it is just crashing and burning and it's gonna be rebuilt by people like us and these people, these things, these structures... they want us to be numb and depressed and scared and fear, hating each other, wasting all of our precious energy on that. That they're creating, that they're highlighting, that they're pushing on us. And that's how they win. You know? And so there's that balance of being present and aware and educated, not just having your head in the sand and pretending that there's nothing wrong with your privilege, but rather... not taking a second for granted that you are alive and well and safe and free and to use that freedom to be present for it and enjoy it and regulate your nervous system enough that you can actually be a part of the solution in whatever way that means to you in whatever way is right to you. And so I guess that's all to say that like this podcast is not going anywhere. If anything, We gotta be showing up more than ever in moments like this. And yeah, so here we are. I fucking love you guys. I miss you so much as always. And let's get into today's episode. So yeah, we are a week into the summer solstice and I think that this is a perfect time to... take inventory of where we're at in our lives, in this season of life. Taking inventory on the friendships that are feeding us. We just had a full moon in cancer. And so a lot of the themes that came up around the new, sorry, that new moon is these feelings of what home means to us. I posted some journaling prompts on my Instagram this past week for the new moon in cancer. And obviously we're not in it anymore, but I don't think that it ever hurts to revisit these journaling prompts. I don't look at life as something that just like, know, an astrological event happens and like that's it. I think that these are all really important questions just to be asking ourselves, So a couple of the questions that I had written down was, who or what feels like home to me right now and how can I honor that more fully? This could be a person, a place, a project, or a version of yourself. What parts of me are asking to be nurtured right now? What emotional truths have I been hiding? And how can I accept them with compassion versus shame? What dream have I been quietly holding in my heart, waiting for the right moment to plant? I'll keep these all in the show notes below if you want to take a look at them. And also feel free to follow me on Kiki's Meadow on Instagram if you want to be in the loop whenever I post these little moments on social media. But yeah, I think that the summer solstice, this... new moon that we just had is a good time to really think about like what in my life right now is nourishing me the most or what is missing in my life that would be nourishing me the most that I'm not including? What people in my life are nourishing me the most and what people are not in alignment in my life right now? What people are taking energy from me? What people are adding energy into my life? What habits are giving me life? What habits are draining me of life? What creative projects are interesting me the most right now? What parts of me are begging to be let out right now? think that summer can kind of bring up some more energy of being outwardly and more social maybe, more fiery, more out there. And some people, the season of life, even though it's summer, maybe it is their season of rest and resetting. We are all on our own. divinely unique and magical journey and i think that these moments of self-reflection is really just a time to tune into what that means for us and um what we can do to honor that more fully. You know, the themes of home keep coming up with like I said, with the new moon and cancer. And to me right now, tea is feeling like home to me. I feel like I've been really reinvigorated with my passion for herbalism and herbs and teas and flowers and using that for a catalyst of healing and meditation and presence. And it feels like I'm just playing with mom Earth every day. And that to me is becoming such a devotion for my health and my spiritual practices. and it is such a symbol for this person that I'm stepping into right now. I've been really leaning into yin yoga and stretching and my rituals in the morning are giving me life more than ever right now. Yeah, I've been really intentional with the people that I've been spending my time with and the things that I've been wanting to do. think something that I would really encourage you all to think about is what's something in my life that would be purely for pleasure and creativity that I could tap into again right now? For me, it's wanting to play the guitar more, wanting to do more craft projects that have nothing to do with business, that have nothing to do with profit or building something for my future. I mean, it is for my future, I guess, when it comes to like music or art, but it's something that is nothing but an act of creation. I've been really wanting to really pull myself more into that. I want to start taking dance classes. I'm truly just at a moment in my life where I want to be so alive and present into this reality and soaking it and juicing it up with every fiber of my being. I had an incredibly emotional time coming back to my olive orchard that... is in San Diego that I love so dearly that is just such a big part of my life. I went back this week for just a day to see the family and it was just so emotional because long story short, a huge part of my story is that when I was living there during the pandemic, I had decided to build myself a studio because if you know my story, you knew that like I... When the pandemic first hit, I moved to that property that was completely raw land except for running water. I bought a canvas-bell tent, a 20 by 20, beautiful little yurt-looking tent, and I lived there for the first couple years of the pandemic in that tent. And it was the most magical, beautiful experience of my entire life. But eventually I was like, okay, I think it's time to have a couple solid walls in my life. And so I built my studio. I think it was like a year living in the tent specifically, and then I built that studio. And I built it myself with the help of... a team of constructors that helped me build the shell of it and then I went in and built the rest of it. I spent months on that project, just pouring my heart and soul into every little piece. I just added texture to all the walls. Every piece of wood was hand sanded by me and stained and all the windows were put in by me, all the insulation. I had a friend come up and help me for a while, but it was just the project of a lifetime. video officially moved to Los Angeles to start my new chapter of life here. My sister called me a couple of days ago and asked if she could convert my studio into her sound recording studio. And I was like, of course, that's perfect. Cause she is a voice actress and had been, you know, kind of making a makeshift studio in her own room, but this would have been like the perfect space for that. And so without questioning it, was like, of course, like, please. But when I came down to the property for the first time to visit, it was just like the most emotional, like. closing of a chapter, you know, cause it's like, it's been there, sitting there while I've been gone in Los Angeles, not being really used, but it felt like it was still like, it still had that energy, I guess. I felt like I hadn't really closed that chapter, but coming home, seeing all the sound panels that my sister put in and like all the spaces she cleared out, it was like, oh wow, like, yeah, this, this chapter of my life is over. It's ending, of course it's never over. It's always going to be my home, but I am now officially stepping foot into this new adventure. and I've been in LA for a good while now. It's been practically half a year already. but it still felt like, you know, half in half out of like, we're starting this journey and seeing that transition to my studio felt like such a symbolism of like, yep, it's time Kiki, it is over and you're ready to fully pour yourself into this next chapter of your life. yeah, it was just really emotional and like, it really just brings me back to the lesson of just savoring every fucking moment that we have in our lives right now because nothing is We get so used to what we're comfortable with and we just assume that this is just... this is just everything and it's always gonna be like this and we're always gonna have these like comforts and these aspects, these relationships, people in our lives, these memories in our lives and the truth is that it's not always guaranteed and we never know when the last moment we're gonna have in these spaces with these people, with these things and yeah, it's just the grass is always fucking greener no matter how abundant our lives are it's like we always feel unsatisfied there's always that next level, there's always that next job, next income level, that next apartment, that next duvet cover that you're excited about, the next kitchen, there's always somehow something to be unsatisfied with. I think that the lesson that's really hitting home right now is that it's all perfect because it is. It is. It's perfect because it is. It's perfect because we have it. It's perfect because we're living in it. And of course, of course, of course, of course, don't get me wrong, there's some moments in our lives and situations that are painful and they are not as good as the next thing. But whatever it is, it is what we have right now and the only way that we're gonna just gracefully transition into the next aspect that we really are dreaming of is when we're able to find peace and love and comfort in the now as it is. It's never-ending goalposts that's always going to just keep moving farther and farther away from you until you realize that like, life is perfect because it is. Right here, right now, we're living in our dreams. Because that's the truth. We're living in what we dreamt of however long ago. But we're here now. And it's not enough. And that's part of what makes us these magical creators is that we are constantly expanding. There's a part that is so important for us to always seem somehow unsatisfied because it's what allows us to crave more for our lives, to ask for more, to keep growing, to keep expanding, to keep spiraling upwards, you know? But it's just that loving dance that we just have to constantly swing back and forth around of just being so here and in love and present and then... be like, okay, thank you more, please. Like, let's see what's next. But yeah, I think that my house in LA, for example, is like the perfect first apartment. But there's so many aspects that we're excited for the next place, know, a bigger kitchen, more of a hosting space, an outdoor area, like. you know, all of these things, like thicker walls I guess, you know? But it's so easy to just be like, okay well this is just temporary but it's really gonna feel like we're fully starting our LA chapter once we have all of that, right? And recently I did a work trip and had to be gone for the week. I was still in LA but I was not at my house and... I needed that wake up call more than anything to just slap me into being so grateful for my home, for my bed, for my kitchen, for my shower, for everything that's mine in this space, you know? Like whatever aspects, you know, aren't quote unquote perfect, they're perfect because they're mine and I'm here and I was praying for this just last year and it's here. I'm living in my dream part of LA, like, with my favorite coffee shops just right around the corner. And if this isn't enough, nothing will ever be enough. I always think about the quote from Eric John Campbell that I just mentioned in the podcast, because he was on a couple episodes ago, of just, if we continuously are unsatisfied with this present moment, we're only going to manifest a future reality where we are also unsatisfied with the present moment. And so, yeah. Just a little reminder of how we can look around our present reality and pick out the aspects that we'd once dreamt of and that maybe aren't perfect but... they are and how can we fall in love and savor every single moment in that experience and that shift in frequency and that shift in vibration when we're able to just open our eyes to everything that's going right and journaling on all the aspects that feel good in our relationships and our partners in our creativity in the things that happened today. We know what little magical synchronicities happened today. What beautiful little moments that you have with, you know, a friend or an idea or a good meal, how can we take the magic of life and expand it? These little sparkles that happen, how can we look at them and focus and make them grow and grow and grow and grow? Just the other night, I was out with my partner, my boyfriend Griff, and we were like, let's just go out in the town. I was out early and he was as well. just walked around Silver Lake and it felt like the first days of summer because they are the first days of summer you know it was just the equinox but it was warm out we were like walking through a couple bars I had these little day parties and these little markets out and got dinner and like it was just such a fresh energy and I was like oh my god I'm here I'm here I'm here I'm here I'm living in my dream this is what I prayed for for so long and I'm living it right here, right now. So I cannot let myself go unconscious. You know, that's all we can ever do is to not fall asleep at the wheel of life and just let life happen to us day in, day out, just going through the motions of reality, waiting for some next thing to come into our lives to make us feel whole and ready to enjoy it. Life is happening right here, right now, and now, and now, and now, and now. Are you going to be here for it or not? You know, like, it's so easy to be exhausted and tired and just like overwhelmed and want to numb out and just scroll on our phones and do the same things that we did yesterday, have the same thoughts that we had yesterday, but... The truth is that we have a choice in every single moment to wake the fuck up and choose to lead life with love and presence and wonder and magic and ask ourselves, what do we want to do? How do we want to be? How do we want to feel? How do we want to make others feel? I think that was a big journaling prompt that kept coming up in my mind of just like, how do I want to make other people feel? You know, like it's not just me. It's like, what energy do I want to give out into the world? What warmth and love and presence and excitement do I want to give others? Do I want to that off? What energy do I want to radiate out into this world? And the magic is that whenever we choose that energy that we want to radiate out into the world, we get that energy back tenfold. But yeah, I think that like... The theme of life right now is just letting life be pleasurable and nourishing and delicious and simple. Like, what does life get to look like in between the grand moments? Like what does life get to feel like on the ordinary, normal days? Where nothing necessarily crazy is gonna happen. But how can we find just deliciousness and just savoring and presence and pleasure in these moments and in these days? How can we fall in love with our rituals and our routines and our tea in the morning and our tea at night and the books that we're reading and the things that we're thinking about, the conversations that we're having? How can we reach out to our friends and our family and you know, focus on what is interesting us and what's not, what's sparking interest in us. Like what podcasts are exciting us, what books are exciting us, like what of life is asking for us to put our attention into. What does life want us to sink our teeth into, you know? How can we be creative on the day to day just for the sake of being creative? What within us wants to be created? What within us wants to become? How can we stop letting comparison drain the fucking life out of us? I think so much of what keeps us so frozen is just like comparing what we got with what other people got and it's exhausting and it will never lead you to where you want to be. So like, how can we look at our present life right here, right now, and our little quirks and our weirdness and our like, imperfectness, whether it's within us or in our household or within our career or our jobs or our relationships or our friendships, like this messiness of life, like where the imperfections make us us and make us unique. And how can that be perfect? You know, like walking around LA, I think that it's so easy to just like look at all these hot, fashionable, cool people with these cool jobs and a bunch of money and like perfect skin and just be like, wow, like damn, like they've got that going on. Like what do I got going on? No. But remembering that we are also just so special and so unique and so perfect. And there's so many people who look at us like that, that we would never even know. And so I feel like, yeah, the theme of this chapter of life is just savoring all of it and choosing who we want to be. When we're operating from that launching pad of contentment and peace and acceptance and attachment, we're able to create this just melting pot of creation of Deciding who we want to be and who we want to step into and what we want to make people feel like there's so much that we have to offer it to this world and when we Drown out the noise of the world and tune into what we want to create and what we want to be and what we want to do and how we want to help people Just so much so much magic can pour through and so yeah, just wanted to touch base with you guys and see how we're all feeling and really just remind us all to show up for ourselves and our lives and the things that we want to create and be present, so fucking present for all of it. I love you guys. I hope you guys are doing good. Send me a message on Insta. I would love to chat with you guys and just see how we're all doing. Yeah, I love you guys. Feel free to always get any other free resources that I have below in the show notes, my path to purpose workbook, or my magnetic morning ritual. I love you guys. It's been a wild time in life and we fucking got this, okay? All right, chat soon. Bye.