79. Redefining success & leaning into the grounded rhythms of life.

✦Today in The Meadow we explore the symbolism of the Buck Moon as a time of regeneration, new strength emerging in this next chapter of life.

✦ Journaling prompts to help you reflect on what you’ve built, what emotional weight you’re ready to release, and how you define success now.

✦ We talk about the pressure to match the energy of past versions of ourselves and the grief that can come with realizing you’re no longer in that season.

✦ Letting go of relationships and identities that no longer align, and trusting that a slower, simpler pace is not a setback. 

✦ We explore how to stop proving your worth through productivity, and begin choosing presence, love, and alignment as your new definition of “better.”

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Transcript

0:03

Hello everybody and welcome back to In the Meadow with Kiki. I am so happy to be here and I'm so happy you're here and welcome back to the meadow! Miss you guys, like always. I am really doing my best to get back into the rhythm of this show and here I am! I hope you guys have been great. Today I am recording the day before the launch date, so I'll literally be uploading this right after I record. But it is the full moon in Capricorn right now, and I am a Capricorn, so it feels like a special full moon to me. And I just wanted to do a little weekly check-in with you guys to see how we're feeling, how we're doing, and also give you guys some energy of this full moon. And yeah, so let's get into it. Today is the full moon in Capricorn. also called the buck moon. Indigenous cultures would have called this the buck moon because male deers aka bucks begin to grow their antlers in July. So a big symbolism of this full moon is a symbol of regeneration, of growth, and of new power. Antlers are soft, velvet covered, symbolic of that, like regeneration and new growth and new beginnings. It's also a very masculine energy. kind of about structure and stepping into a more stable season of our lives and now obviously the astrological meaning I wrote in my Instagram, I had a little piece of writing that is, today's film in Capricorn invites us all to reflect on the structures we've built and ask if they still serve the life that we're growing into. Capricorn energy brings focus to responsibility, discipline, and legacy. It's a powerful time to release outdated definitions of success, let go of emotional weight tied to performance or perfectionism and reconnect to grounded rhythms that actually support us. So I feel like I'd like to start this off with a couple journaling prompts that I wrote out for, again, my Instagram. If you don't follow me yet, it is Kiki's meadow on Instagram if you want to get some more constant meadow content Check me out over there But let's get into a couple of the questions that I have and we can kind of dive into those My first question that I have for you guys to reflect on on this full moon is what have I built over time that I can pause and be proud of today I feel like At any moment, it's good to sit down and really reflect on what we have built within our lives that we can genuinely celebrate ourselves for. think we're just in this constant, constant grind towards growing and becoming and succeeding in life and projects and ventures. we don't... often enough give ourselves time to really celebrate everything that we've been through and everything that we've done so far and how far we've gotten to life already. We can always just be in this constant comparison of just looking at where other people are in their lives and the success that they have had or things that, you know, they've accomplished that maybe you aspire to accomplish. And we forget really everything that we've done so far and are able to really soak in that deliciousness of like, wow, like I've done that I've become this I've grown in that way. I think it's a special time to... always kinda look into how much we've grown over the last few years, but specifically over this last year. think that whenever we are in deep phases of growth, it's really hard to see how much we're growing in the moment, especially when there's difficult chapters that we're navigating. Until we're outside of that growth spurt, then we're able to really witness, who I was this time last year is so different than the version of myself that I am right now. taking time to really reflect on that and really like ponder on how you really have changed and like what parts of you have changed what parts of you you get to celebrate and the versions of you that you used to be and how great they were but also just how much has shifted for you and changed for you over the last year or two or a couple The next question I have on my full moon journaling prompt questions is, what emotional weight am I ready to sit down in order to move forward with more clarity and ease? This is something that I think that we may not consciously be that aware of is how much weight, emotional baggage we hold on in our bodies, in our psyche that just keeps us so bogged down. Like some things might be more conscious than others. Some things might be really under the surface, really past your awareness and others are some things that you're ruminating on and really focusing on and so Regardless of where you are in your life like really take a moment to think about like what am I holding on to what weight am I carrying that? It's safe to let go of that will give me the space and energy to move forward with lightness and ease I think for me there's been just so much freaking chaos in my life the last six months. Oh my gosh, it's just been it's been wild It really felt like such an initiation if you've been listening to my episodes recently you'll know that like life's just been crazy and I think that like this question today has really helped me think about like okay what have i already moved through that i'm allowed to energetically let go? because there's some things that i can truly say are like closed chapters that i have moved past but energetically in my body somehow i feel this tension of holding on to them sometimes. i have these feelings that i'll talk about later in the episode with this other astrological thing that i've learned recently but i think another weight that i carry is comparing myself to past versions of myself um and uh Yeah, wishing that I had the power and the energetic space to show up in the same capacity that I used to. Um, I'm learning a lot about my astrology and that gives me signs and meaning as to why there's a reason that my energy is shifting. But I think that like, when it comes to my podcast and my brand, I was in a time in my life where I was in this kind of like limbo of the safety net of like living on this beautiful ranch where I wasn't paying rent and had all the free time in the world to pour myself into this world and things have changed a little bit. I'm living in Los Angeles, I have more responsibilities and work that I have to balance and so I have to just come to terms with the fact that it's gonna look different in this chapter of my life and that doesn't mean it's wrong. It doesn't mean that it's less than, doesn't mean that I'm less able to really show up for this brand. It's just gonna look different and I think that a weight that I'm allowing myself to let go of is that every season of life is gonna look different, my capacity is gonna look different, season in my life in that I still get to show up with my whole heart in a different level of capacity and that it is just perfect and it's exactly where I'm meant to be. And yeah, other emotional weight that I'm letting go of is like certain relationships in my life that have... left me in this last year of my life that were painful to experience and I feel so much better coming out of it on the other side but my heart still holds on. I still have dreams about these people that used to be in my life that are not in them anymore and I think that's something that I'm like ready to let go of and ready to officially like move on from. Another emotional weight that I mentioned in my last podcast episode is like officially saying goodbye to that last chapter of my life living in San Diego and how it's always going be my I'm always going to be there with my family and visiting and being connected to that space, but that I really feel like I'm one foot in, one foot out anymore, but I'm truly stepping foot on this next chapter of living in Los Angeles and this next phase of my life. I think that it's bittersweet goodbye, as well as saying goodbye to old versions of ourselves. I am a new version of myself right now, and I'm stronger version of myself now. I'm a more secure, confident, able version of myself, but there's parts of my old self that I do miss and that I am mourning. Truly just always having the intentionality between being present, also being intentionally reflective on all the shifts and changes in our life and just taking a pause in the busy life in this busy world to just sit with it and think about it and connect with yourself and give love to all these versions of yourself and tap into your future self that's giving you advice. I think that connecting with you guys here and following people in this world that are reflective and thoughtful and take moments to really sit and be with themselves is just life-changing because I think it just it slows everything down and allows you to be this witness this conscious witness that actually has a say in how you're moving through your life so that question I think is very very important to me right now The third question, and I'm going to obviously have all of these written down below in the show notes. So, you know, if you're driving or if you want to actually journal later on, you can just take a screenshot and get to it later. But my third question is, where am I still trying to prove my worth through productivity, success or perfectionism? And how can I recognize my innate worthiness just as I am right now? This is always a question that is so important to just revisit again and again and again. I think that we always tie these external factors to prove what we believe is worthy. The visions I had for my business and my brand and these ideas that I thought that would be the threshold that like pulled me into being worthy of my dreams or being worthy of recognition and success and in this season of my life I'm really breaking all that down and redefining what all that looks to me. Perfectionism is huge. mean just even showing up with you guys on this podcast every week I've been really trying to push myself to just show up organically and naturally and just be versus this intense pressure that I always put on myself to just to perform and be the right kind of person or do the right kind of thing and work hard enough and be good enough to be worthy of love and success and abundance and it's been such a lesson of like how great this podcast has been doing in a season where i haven't been as um consistent and i still judge you know myself for this past versions of myself and what the podcast used to be like and thinking that like i'm somehow like needing to like continuously level up and get better and better and better and I think that I'm redefining what better means and I think that like now especially just right now talking to you guys I'm realizing that like better to me means authentic and aligned and connected and real and confident and just trusting that like this podcast is reaching the people that are meant to hear it and who want to hear it and who are fascinated by this world and who are fascinated by things that I'm fascinated about you know this world is so magnificently huge there's so many people out there to connect with like of course there's people out there that are into the same things that you are and who are excited about the things that you want to talk about and I think that my definition of you know rediscovering what I tie productivity and success and perfectionism to is truly about just letting all those pressure, all that pressure down and remembering like, why do I want to have this brand in the first place? Why did I want to start this podcast in the first place? It wasn't to perform or to prove myself of anything. It was because I was so hungry to express and share my thoughts with the world. I just had David West on my podcast earlier and his episodes probably going to release next week, but it was such an amazing conversation. He's a friend that I met on the internet, on Instagram, and it was really about just showing up and expressing yourself and like his story about his journey through philosophy and writing and creativity and all of that. But something that we talked about at the end was how I struggle with like Instagram sometimes and I identify as a person that struggles with like expressing myself on Instagram. you know, we talked about really just letting go of that pressure and letting go of that identity. You know, I think I always claim like, I don't know how to like express myself on Instagram with that short format Because the podcast has always been somewhere where it has flowed so much more effortlessly. But, um, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm beginning to just break down and untangle these ideas that I have about myself. Like, what if I woke up one day and just said that it's not hard for me to show up on social media like that. What if I can just like release the pressure and release the story of it being this difficult, heavy, scary thing and just, just create and just share and be looser with it. Let, be less perfectionist about it. Like. Yeah, that's where I'm at in my life right now and really redefining all of these ideas and self-concepts about productivity and worth and success and output and all of that. And then the last question is, what does sustainable success look and feel like for me now in this version of my life? And yeah, that one is also a great way of asking all these questions where... We tie this idea of success to this external future reality of this external and future physical, tangible thing that has come into our lives, whether it's an income goal or a follower goal or a career goal or, you know, travel goals, whatever it is, it's something outside of us that comes into our life that measures what success means. Right. And so this question really makes us think about what success can look like right now in this version of your life. And the, when I, when I channeled that question and put it out for my audience to think about, it was such a mic drop, like, oh, whoa. Rather than only looking at success as something that we're working towards, that we will one day achieve, what if we looked at success of like, okay, well, what's a successful day to me? What is a successful week? How can I feel successful right now, in this moment, before... The next goal is reached or the next level of life that I think I'm waiting to step into. And so for me, that means like, okay, yeah, success to me. looks like I moved my body today. Success to me means that I showed up for myself, that I posted on my, on my meadow world. Success to me means that I made a brave decision and I put myself out there and I asked something scary. I sent the email to somebody that I was nervous about. I reached out to the podcast guests that I thought was out of my league. And also success means to me that I'm listening to my body and I'm resting when I need to rest and I'm reading what I need to read and I'm relaxing when I need to relax and I'm doing it out of a devotional practice of self-love Not from a place of hiding and sabotaging. I'm doing it from a place of love versus fear Success means to me that I'm operating out of love throughout the day versus fear that I'm not closing myself off because I'm trying to stay safe and protected and I mean for example like this podcast I think so often like when I'm out of the rhythm of consistency, the weight of momentum gets built up so negatively that I feel so much harder to show up and be here with you guys. I think that making decisions out of fear in that moment, in that example, means not showing up because I'm scared to not do it justice and I'm scared to not do it good enough or be good enough. And so operating out of fear means I wouldn't show up. Operating out of love means that I know deep in my bones that my podcast is helping people, my platform is helping people, me sharing my voice is helping, even if it just means for one person out there. If I can change the direction and perspective of one person's day, then that's a win. And that is me leading out of love. Leading out of love means, yeah, like I reach out to that person that I'm scared to reach out to. I just made a new friend the other week because I reached out and I asked to hang out and operating out of fear means I would just never have sent that message because it's safer to not feel like I'm putting myself at risk for rejection or embarrassment and so that is something that I think no matter what we can always come back into is that simplicity of like am I operating out of fear or am I operating out of love and what does that mean to me? how can I love myself the most today? How much rest do need today? How much do need to push myself today? How much do I need to be gentle with myself but actually push myself towards and past my limits out of my comfort zone? Yeah, sometimes going to the gym and going on run is not the most comfortable thing, but I know how good it makes me feel afterwards. Booking the yoga class when I would rather just be on my phone at night eating ice cream, you know, is... more uncomfortable, but it feels amazing. And then some days you do just need the night of just eating ice cream and like laying in bed. Um, and so I think that these questions are really beautiful to be thinking about. And I think that the full moon is just beautiful times to just connect with yourself and the universe and Truly just coming in and coming home to yourself. I think that like Regardless of like the energies in the sky I think that it's just a beautiful excuse to just have these monthly check-ins of like alright, where am I feeling right now? What is a collective feeling right now? Like what are we all going through? Like how can I tap in and tune in to where I am at right now? What do I need right now? How do need to feel right now? Yeah, really tuning into what makes you feel the best and how you can push yourself through that devotional and loving practice. And so, um, yeah, the last little bit of his podcast, I want to talk about some personal discoveries that I've had about astrology recently. So I just had a friend through work, um, tell me about this branch of philosophy called Hellenistic astrology. think that some people have differing opinions on what people think about that, but it is blowing my fricking mind and I need you to check it out if you are interested because it's fascinating. So. I'm not going to get too into the details of like the definitions or the vocabulary. Like I think that's not necessary, but. It's essentially using these ideas of the law of fortune and that there's different chapters of your life that really express certain energies and bring you through certain aspects of your life and different energies and all that. So I just realized that I was in the law of fortune of Aries in the 9th house from 2011 to 2026. So still currently am. And so this is essentially, supposedly a 15 year chapter ruled by Mars and Aries. This means bold creation, teaching, risk taking, building my identity, intensity, ambition, putting myself out there, taking bold action, messy action, pushing, creating. It's energized, it's active, it's peak external momentum, like it says. A lot of traveling, a lot of education, publishing, truth seeking, philosophy, and searching for meaning. And I reflect on the last 15 years of my life and like, of course I was like 14 when I was in 2011, but... I'm like, whoa, yes to all of that. mean, oh my God, like, this is kind of what I was meaning when I was wanting to talk about like comparing myself to younger versions of myself and putting this pressure of like needing to be that girl still. like that girl was the most intensely ambitious go getter putting myself out there going, driving to four hours, four hours to San Francisco just to do a photo shoot with a person that I wanted to collaborate with. I would go to these mixed for the film industry, would travel to Los Angeles to shoot a music video with a band that I didn't even know. I traveled the world. I went to Kenya, to Japan, all throughout Europe, to Mexico, all by myself, through work and through pleasure. I had my spiritual awakening. I discovered what manifestation was. So the philosophical seeking of meaning aspect of it was like, oh my god, yes to that completely. But the theme throughout and throughout and throughout was always just this high intensity, big energy, just go, go, go, go, go, push myself, launch this, create that. Um, and it was all divine. It was all so fucking perfect for where I was in my life. And I don't mean to say that this is not what I'm going to be bringing into this next chapter of my life, but it's so funny because like, think that like a big heaviness that I've just mentioned a lot in this audience episode has been comparing myself to that girl and comparing myself to like, Oh my gosh, There must be something wrong with me if I don't feel that intense energy anymore. I don't feel that pull for Exerting myself and pushing so hard and and also like Don't get me wrong. All of this exerting and pushing was still done through alignment most of the time not always but I don't mean that I was burning myself completely all the time burning myself out, but It was because it was aligned, you know, but it unfortunately did lead to burnout a lot of the times and I'd feel a little depleted after the fact. But every time that I would do these pushes, I always came out paying back stronger and more elevated and like so much deeper on my path and exactly where I was meant to be. But it felt always just slightly unsustainable. And I would go so deeply into these highs and lows of just like so much intense momentum and then kind of burning out and like exhausted mentally and physically and. to recalibrate and then repeat the cycle over again. And so these are all things that I've been thinking about regardless until I discovered this Hellenistic astrology. So I'm in the midst of this limbo phase into the Lotta Fortuna of Taurus. And that is such a complete energetic shift. And so this next chapter is going to be from 2026 to 2034, supposedly. I say supposedly because I don't ever feel comfortable just like claiming any of this as like, you know, and I'll be all facts. This is just take what resonates and leave the rest. This is extremely resonating with me and It's life-changing. think I feel so connected to my path right now and like hearing that this is like actually the transition that I'm going through astrologically is like so cool. So if you're interested in it, dive in. you're not, then hopefully you're still getting a kick out of hearing my story and my perspectives. So the thing that I'm transitioning to is themes around career embodiment, sustainable visibility, grounded creativity. It's ruled by Venus and Aquarius, which is all about originality, systems, beauty and service, creating beautiful creations that resonate with people that are aesthetically pleasing that are of huge service. This is an energy of magnetizing, of attracting, of simplifying, of calling in versus only and solely creating. So if you can understand that difference of like, It's so much more about magnetizing towards myself, the path that I am meant to be on and the service that I'm supposed to offer to this world through simplicity and beauty and structure, through grounded creativity. And rather than just focusing on all this external output to pull it into me, it's really deeply stepping into the identity of the version of myself who is a leader, a creative leader, leader who's here to create deep service and This is all a lot more of a like gentler and calmer energy, which I feel so much and I think that I was really like I was really like Seeing it as a negative. It's like, okay I have so much less like fiery energy around all this like what the fuck does that mean? Like am I like losing my Spark like what is going on and seeing this like laid out in front of me? Is so incredible to hear because it's like yeah, like that's what feels aligned to me right now gentler calmer, more aligned, more patient, magnetizing, simplifying. I think that like the biggest crash out that I had this last year was like overcomplicating the vision of the business that I was building that I am building the meadows of Port-au-Lobans that I had. Like the vision that I was moving towards was this big complicated warehouse inventory fulfillment stations, like just so much intricate production aspects and like Bigness that I thought meant worthiness. I thought that the bigger I went the more worthy I would be of it all that Me and myself wasn't good enough to create a business around that. had to like push and create all this external shit To prove myself of like oh, this is real. I am a real business. Like look at me like I'm doing it and so that's been like the biggest like intense transition is recognizing that like I don't have to be this massive, complicated, intricate, intense beast of a business to live the life of my dreams and to have the most successful, aligned and like beautiful brand in business. mean, you know, business is what it is, but like I hesitate to always use the word business. It's more of like my body of work that I'm here on the earth to create alongside you guys. And I'm just so grateful to be here in this time of my life and to be learning so much about myself, to be seeing so many of aspects of my life genuinely crumbling and falling apart and being rebuilt by so much more magic and abundance and synchronicities and serendipity that I could never even imagine. yeah, showing up here with you guys every week is the deepest devotional practice that I can do for myself and for the people in my life and for my community. And it gives me life more than you could ever imagine. Yeah, thank you guys for being here with me every week and for being here with me in the meadow from the beginning to the end if you've been here since the beginning or if you just discovered the meadow. I love you. And yeah, you guys mean the world to me. I'm so grateful. I feel so freaking lucky that I made the decision to pour myself into this world and create this brand and Yeah, I love you guys. Hope you guys enjoyed my little ramble at the end about my own personal realizations about Hellenistic astrology. It is so freaking cool. A little tip if you are interested in it is like, I know we have, you know. know everybody has their own opinions about chat GBT but chat GBT really did help me when I first started discovering it. yeah, if you do want to just give it your birth information you could use the prompt of like, you use my birth info to look at Hellenistic Astrology and explain the zodiacal releasing in my chart through the Lot of Fortune. I'll also add that in the show notes below. So yeah, I love you guys. If you haven't already, you should follow me on Instagram so we can connect over there. If you enjoyed this episode, please send it to a friend that you think might enjoy it as well. I'll leave a review because that always just means absolute world and helps so much with getting reach and bringing it to all the other meadow people in this world who would vibe with our little squad we've got going on. And yeah. I also have always my free offerings like my magnetic morning ritual and the path to purpose workbook that you can always find below if you are interested. Yeah, you guys are the best. I freaking love you guys. I can't say it enough. All right, have a beautiful rest of your week. Happy full mooning, Capricorn. Bye.